Star Trek TNG - Haven

Originally aired: November 30th, 1987

Seems I had this episode mixed up with another. This episode does introduce the first lady of Star Trek to TNG, but it's about Deanna Troi's arranged marriage, not Lwaxana's. Hmmm.. perhaps I should refer to Majel Barrett as the second lady of Trek. When she was cast, she was Roddenberry's mistress, not his wife. Anyway.

Standard enough opening to this one - the Enterprise arrives at a beautiful planet for short R&R. Perhaps the crew needs it after the stress of that mining disaster rescue. Picard muses about the urban myths about how this planet can heal, and mend souls and broken hearts. Is that right? Urban myth? Should I saw galactic myth? Anyway, Data dumps all over Picard's poetic indulgence pointing out there's no evidence for these myths. Lieutenant Command Buzzkill reporting for duty, sir! Picard says these myths endure because they sometimes come true. Those are the kind that last all right. Along with the ones about waking up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney.

Riker's in his quarters watching a hologram recording of some scantily clad women playing harps. Really Riker? Surely you've got better things to do in your free time. At least wait until your next holodeck reservation comes up and do it properly. Turns out he was called to the transporter room because an unknown object is beaming up from the planet. Do all Federation ships accept unknown incoming transporter signals? I'm also disappointed at the lack of O'Brien in the transporter room but we haven't seen him since the pilot I think. It seems they do wait for approval from the surface before the materialise the object which turns out to be a silver travelling case with an animated face in the side of it. A simple special effect which would most likely be done with too much CGI today, but whether you CGI it or do it practically, it looks stupid because the idea is stupid. Troi arrives in time for awake and deliver a message to her that her mother and Troi's future husband's family are arriving soon. What the fuck? Is that how Betazoids send messages? What's wrong with a video call, or an email? Talking fucking suitcases? Stupid. Troi seems pissed at this message, but Yar doesn't care as the suitcase pops open and spills jewels all over the transporter pad, which are apparently wedding gifts for Troi's upcoming ceremony.

I'm already bored by this episode. It's clear that Troi won't be marrying and leaving the ship to settle down so I'm not clear on why I should care. Anyway, Troi has apparently been living in denial that this marriage would happen. But apparently it is happening, and she's pissed. Riker seems pissed and Troi tries to comfort him. I think she actually called him Bill rather than Will there. Unusually for this show's early days, the scene with Riker and Troi is rather subtle. I suspect rather than artfully hinting at their previous relationship, it's just that the writers hadn't decided what it was yet and so avoided specifics. And now, about an hour after the talking suitcase, Troi's husband and his family are here. If they're already here, then I have to wonder again - what the fuck was the point of the suitcase? The Millers seem like nice people, and are pleased to see Troi. Well, all of them bar her husband anyway who's the typical shy nervous guy. The whole thing seems just as awkward as an arranged marriage between two people who've never met would be. The Millers leave and Troi seems puzzled that Wyatt, her future husband, seemed disappointed when he saw her.

Troi warns Picard about her mother, just before she beams in with Lurch in tow. Seriously - Hr. Homn is played by the guy who played Lurch in the Addams Family movies. Lwaxana immediately starts being both arrogant and also an overbearing mother, complaining that Deanna is talking out loud rather than telepathically. She asks Picard to carry her bags, despite how heavy they are. That results in an argument in the middle of a busy corridor, and somehow Lwaxana manages to pretend like none of it is her fault. Actually, this scene is very well done - it gives a great sense of the ship being full of people with a busy corridor full of people passing by and rubbernecking at the argument. Most corridor scenes on this show are fairly sparsely populated. Lwaxana talks on and on and on without listening to anything anyone says, until Deanna telepathically shuts her up. So far this episode's had a few good character scenes but a dull as dishwater plot. I'm going to skip over a lot more detail than usual I think for this one since it's all so boring.

The Troi family bickering finally gives way to a proper scene where Lwaxana opens up to her daughter a bit and empathises with her over this arranged marriage. It seems the room's father tracked down Lwaxana and reminded her of vows made years ago. Deanna herself is uncomfortable with the vows, but is still willing to honour them.  If TV has taught me anything, arranged marriages never work out. And TV would never lie to me, would it?

The local government calls upon Picard to intercept an unidentified, unresponsive ship entering Haven's planetary space. Despite knowing better, I briefly hope this episode will be livened up with a space battle. Meanwhile, Troi's talking to her future husband. Jesus" I didn't recognise him until know - it's a young Rob Knepper - a.k.a Samuel from Heroes, or Simeon from Stargate Universe. It's weird to see him play a good guy. I'm so used to him as a character I like to hate. He looks so young! Deanna seems to like him despite herself. She seems to be trying to make an effort to get along with him ,but he seems as disappointed to be in this situation as she is. She congratulates him on some of his artwork but his room is full of sketches of some other woman. She realises that Wyatt expected Troi to be the woman he's been seeing and drawing since he was a kid. He though Troi - being Betazoid - had been telepathically reaching out to him. He reluctantly seems willing to put his fantasies about this mystery woman behind to try to make a go of it with Deanna. Jesus, everyone in the future is sooo well adjusted and healthy. I don't know many people who'd take being forced into a disappointing marriage by their family this well.

Picard is busy making a log entry about his misgivings about Betazoid marriage tradition, and is slightly upset to lose a valued crew member. What's the matter Picard? Worried you'll have no-one to state the obvious? The unidentified ship limps toward the Enterprise and slower than light speeds. It's apparently a Tarellian vessel. They're supposed to be extinct so everyone's shocked to see one of their ships. Picard seems concerned that the Tarellians will try to destroy them, or Haven. Can one small ship be that much of a threat to the Federation flagship or the entire planet below them? Typical of Picard in a crisis - he calls a meeting. And apparently, yes - the one ship is a huge threat. The Tarellians fought amongst themselves until one side use a biological weapon on the other resulting in all of them becoming carriers of a deadly virus. Now I get the threat. They are supposed to have had the equivalent of late 20th Century Earth tech, which seems enough for the bio-weapon, but then apparently some of the survivors managed to infect other worlds. How did they do that with 20th Century tech? They'd be lucky to get out of their own solar system. The other survivors were hunted down and wiped out after that. But it seems at least one ship survived.

Picard is torn between his duty to protect Haven and his duty to render assistance to the Tarellians. He asks the crew to help come up with an answer to this situation. With the crisis looming, the crew do what anyone would in this situation. They go to a pre-wedding party. At the party, the wedding couple's parent fight over the arrangements, but what has me entertained is the way Mr. Homn is draining glass after glass of booze, while Data watches with curiosity. Picard steps in to try and end the fight and succeeds in at least making them put it aside during the party. They have dinner, where it seems that either the costume department haven't come up with dress uniforms yet or no-one bothered to wear one to the party. Mr. Homn is still putting the drink away like mad, and Data is just standing there watching him. I did wonder why Data wasn't at the table with the others, but at this early stage I guess he hasn't learned to fit into human customs enough to want to join them at the dinner table. Riker seems a little jealous of the slowly growing friendship between Troi and her husband-to-be. The man may be capable of acting after all. Data inquires about Homn's drinking but doesn't get an answer from him.

Eventually, the subject of the Tarellian ship comes up. Dr. Crusher and Wyatt start talking shop about the virus the Tareliians carry. Way to bore the shit out of everyone else. Homn is striking a gong every time Lwaxana eats. Before long he's striking it whenever he drinks as well. I think I'd drink as much as he does if I worked for Lwaxana too. Picard warns Data that he's hovering over everyone and it's disturbing. Data just seems to want to stand back and observe the human interaction. I think all the attempts at one-upping each other between Lwaxana and the Millers and the relationship triangle between Riker, Deanna and Wyatt have him fascinated. Oh, and Homn's alcohol abuse must be entertaining too. Lwaxana takes it a bit too far when she telepathically sets her pet plant that's been wrapped around her arm on Mrs. Miller. Then Riker decides he's had enough and leaves, while Data is watching all of this happen. Data needs to learn some subtlety, but instead he asks Lwaxana to elaborate on Betazoid weddings. That's when it comes out that everyone goes naked at Betazoid weddings. Lwaxana takes the opportunity at everyone's shock to get some digs in at the Millers and Homn is getting ridiculously pissed by now. It's like a running gag taken far, far beyond where it should stop. Like Sideshow Bob and the rakes, or Peter Griffin and his fights with the guy in the Chicken Suit. But then Deanna loses it and storms out, trashing the gong on the way. Data asks everyone to keep bickering, as he finds it intriguing. Subtlety, Data. Look it up.

Riker's run off to the holodeck, and he's using to sit in the middle of a sound stage dressed only somewhat convincingly like a desert, complete with the same cricket sound effect every TV show ever has used for night scenes. In fact, it reminds me of many of the alien planets on the original Trek. You'd think that twenty years on they'd do a more convincing job of making a sound stage look like a real desert world. Or just film in the fucking desert for an hour or two. Deanna joins him there, and they talk a bit about their past relationship. She gets all superior, claiming human males cannot separate platonic love and physical love. Riker seems to be about to tell her that he's never stopped loving her when Wyatt butts in. Deanna lays all her cards on the table, following through on Betazoid's claimed total honesty, and tells Wyatt that she cares deeply for "Bill". So I was right - she did call him that earlier. It doesn't suit him. Riker doesn't seem to want to deal with this conversation and leaves. The bridal couple talk about the wedding arrangements. Apparently after Deanna left, people managed to find a compromise about how to run the wedding where only a few of the people involved are naked. They actually manage to convince me that there's some chemistry between the two of them, and it looks like there might be a happy ending to this story after all. Time for a complication methinks.

Oh yeah - the Tarellian ship. Forgot about that. The ship is apparently receiving Picard's messages but not responding. Haven's government is freaking out as the Tarellians are near transporter range. Jesus - did the fleeing plague victims form a 20th Century tech world who took years to travel to Haven at sublight speeds stop to buy a transporter system somewhere? Haven begs Picard to take aggressive action against the Tarellians. As soon as the ship enters transporter range of the planet, Picard grabs them in a tractor beam and stops them from beaming down. Data thinks they might all be dead from the plague on the ship, but they finally get a response from the plague ship. To the surprise of none of the viewers, but much to Troi's surprise it's the woman that Wyatt has been sketching all his life. Wow - the Tarellians dress like rejects from an Original Series Trek episode.

Apparently the woman was standing in front of the viewscreen purely for the shock factor when the signal came through as she is quickly pushed aside by their captain, who asks to speak to Wyatt. Conveniently, but also logically, Dr. Crusher and Wyatt must have been on their way to the bridge already and step out of the lift just that second. The Tarellians recognise him, and he recognises the alien woman right away. The eight remaining Tarellians confirm to Picard that they still carry the virus. They look healthy for plague bearers. Maybe it's not active or something, but for a virus that killed all but 8 of their entire species, and wiped out a few other worlds too, it doesn't seem to have harmed them a bit. Except maybe their fashion sense. Picard thinks they may have come for Haven's legendary healing properties, and it seems they want to settle on some out of the way unpopulated island somewhere and not bother anyone. Picard promises to pass on the message to Haven's government. Wyatt doesn't seem to have gotten over the shock of meeting his imaginary girlfriend.

Wyatt goes to talk to Lwaxana to ask about how the two of them could have known each other across all that distance and despite having never met. Lwaxana tries to tell him what basically boils down to "she's your soul-mate" before going back to preparing for the wedding. Wyatt legs it to sickbay where he's putting together the medical supplies for the Tarellians and also steals a hypospray. He goes to see his parents and Deanna to say goodbye. To no-one's surprise he's going to go live (and presumably die) with his plague ridden imaginary girlfriend. To the shows credit, there are no long, drawn out speeches about why he must go. he simply says goodbye, and walks away.  Wyatt jumps the transporter operator with the hypospray and beams himself over to the Tarellian ship. It does appear they have transporter tech over there as he arrives in a transporter chamber, Outside are loads of framed sketches of him. The Tarellians are waiting for him, and claim to be just as stunned that he's real. But they say that once they realised he was real, they knew he would come.

The Millers harangue Picard to beam Wyatt back but while the crew are explaining that Wyatt can never return, the Tarellians all to ask that Picard release the tractor beam and they'll leave as they have what they came for. Ah, fuck. Wyatt and his new girlfriend speechify about why he must go with the Tarellians. I thought we'd get away without any of that. At least they keep it short, and the Tarellians leave. The Millers leave, having lost a son and not gained a daughter. I can't imagine they're all too happy. Lwaxana, however, thnks she can salvage the trip by getting married - to Picard, or Riker perhaps. Deanna doesn't react well to that. But Lwaxana and her giant of a manservant leave anyway, with Homn speaking for the first time to say thanks for all the booze. He's funny, that Mr. Homn. Everyone seems stunned that he can speak, and it's a little amusing. The ship heads away from Haven, and on to their next mission.

I'm not sure what to make of this episode. Moderately entertaining, but it's not even remotely sci-fi. The bit about Wyatt and Ariana being joined somehow and seeing each other all their lives long before they meet is just made up romantic fantasy. The show never even tries to explain it other than the rambling of a crazy old Betazoid woman. Other than that it's a personal drama about an arranged marriage. At least we got some good character development for Troi, Riker and even a bit for Data out of it.

Next: The Big Goodbye. The first holodeck malfunction episode. Oh goody.