Alan Wake

So finally got to making some progress on my backlog of video games and next on the list was the psychological horror Alan Wake. As it draws significantly on sources like Twin Peaks and Silent Hill, I figured it would be my kinda game. And as it turns out, it definitely was.

Gameplay:
While the game does nothing Earth shatteringly innovative with it's gameplay, it was quite enjoyable. It doesn't stray too far from the mould set by games like Silent Hill, it does so in small but effective ways. For a start your character actually responds well to controls instead of the slow moving and turning characters of old Silent Hill games. You can evade enemies fairly easily and fight back effectively without it getting too stressful. Many survival horror games rely on the clumsiness of the controls to evoke a sense of panic and loss of... well, control in the player. But, by not focusing overly much on the survival part of that equation, this game can avoid the trap of awkward controls. Not to say it's a cakewalk - there are times when your survival is very much in doubt as the ambushes the enemy set for you from time to time can be tough.

Alan burns the protective shadow from a Taken.

The other mechanic I quite enjoyed was the light / darkness mechanic. All enemies are protected in a shroud of Darkness that must be burned off them with light before they are vulnerable to your weapons. For the most part this is achieved with a flashlight, but flares and other environmental light sources come into play throughout the game also. Particularly intense light can destroy an enemy outright if his shroud of Darkness is already gone or sometimes even if it's not. So flashbang grenades, flare guns and large fixed spotlights are always handy to find as you explore the town of Bright Falls. This mechanic isn't anything special, but it does add a requirement for thinking through your tactics in a fight a little rather than just wade in firing. As ammo isn't always too plentiful, it can make sense to plan an attack where you remove several enemies protection first, group them up and take more than one out in the same attack. Nothing on the level of a proper tactical combat game but some thought is generally required.

Catching a Taken off guard with a bright torch light.

There's one or two other things I liked too. There's the little touches - such as the ability to stun an enemy for a second if you get a focused light beam in his eyes. Once they recover though they tend to shield their eyes with one arm so it can be hard to stun them a second time until they've been lured into dropping their guard.

And there's the stuff I wish more games got right - escorting NPCs. From time to time you'll have a partner with you. It's either Alan's literary agent Barry, or Bright Falls' Sheriff Breaker. Or both. And unlike most games where you have to babysit the escort character at great pains to yourself or lose the game, neither of these two is much trouble to you in a fight. Barry doesn't help too much, but stays out of harm mostly. Sheriff Breaker, however, is great in a fight. On the regular difficulty, it can be enough to hold back and provide light support for her and she'll clean the floor with a mob of Taken enemies.

Graphics / Audio:

Bright Falls can get pretty creepy at night.

Nothing to special to note here. The game sounds and looks as good as you'd expect any modern video game to. It easily keeps up with the competition but does little to stand apart either. That said, there are some notable things. I do like the effects used to indicate when a part of town is unsafe. Despite a bright moon the area dims, wind rushes in and shadows start to flow unnaturally across the ground. These shadows can leave enemies behind and while the game normally draws your attention to when this happens. it doesn't always so you have to keep on your toes.

Story:
And we come to what generally makes or breaks a horror game. The plot. I really liked it. For a start, it makes sense. Sure, it doesn't explain everything. But it also goes to some effort to make sure you know what's happening, what's at stake and roughly what you need to do next. A lot of horror relies on the unknown - and so do the early stages of Alan Wake - but many of those stories never get around to explaining anything. The unknown can be scary but at some point, I get frustrated with that. I prefer horror that takes the time to explain what the protagonist is up against to some extent. Also, this game stays consistent with the rules it establishes. I liked that a lot. A lot of horror clearly sets up rules for the confrontation with an ancient evil or whatever, and then in the final act breaks those rules for shock value. But no clear justification for the rules changing is given most of the time. Sure, it shocks the viewer but I also feel insulted - almost as if the story is mocking me for having believed the rules it laid down earlier.

The story gets a little meta at times, but I liked it. Given it's nature, it was almost inevitable. This is a horror story about a horror story. Alan Wake - a crime writer - comes to the lake in Bright Falls with his wife for a holiday. His arrival wakes a Dark Presence that has been trapped in the lake. It has, in the past, preyed on other artists and has the power to make their work come true in a twisted fashion that benefits itself - and often at the cost of the artist. Alan rushes to rescue his wife from a perilous night-time situation shortly after arrival, and wakes some time later in a new location with no memory of how he got there. He sets out to find out what's happened and to save his wife. In the process, he finds some pages from a manuscript for a novel. Written in his style, on his typewriter. These pages describe the events happening to him and events that will happen to him, which understandably freaks him out.

It can't help but get a little meta after that as you have a writer who's frightened that he's living inside a story he's written and has to make sense of that. This gives the story a chance to use some of the clichés of the horror story in a fresh way - it doesn't try to subvert them much, but it does have a decent justification to use them. Becoming the protagonist of his own story seems to be Alan's only hope to escape and rescue his wife. But the story must ring true to come true, and the protagonist cannot feel too safe to make a horror story work. In the end the story does a good job of conveying a sense of the author fighting against his own imagination, as well as the Dark Presence which would take advantage of that same imagination if he loses control of the story. I'm worried I've said too much already for those who might want to give the game a try so I'll leave it at that concerning the details.

The story is also broken up into six episodes which include a "Previously On Alan Wake..." section at the start to convey the sense of a TV show's episodic structure. It works well, but there's a slight feel of mixed methods there since the story is based so heavily on literary storytelling and this use of a TV methodology seems at odds with that sometimes. But it's a small detail, only present at the start of each episode. I'm left with the feeling that it's only in there as the writers are huge fans of episodic TV shows like Lost - which they have enthusiastically praised in interviews. There are two DLC episodes available as well - as a sort of epilogue - which are great fun too. They also take advantage of the nature of the supernatural force in the plot and it's interaction with the creative works of artists a lot more than the main game's plot can or does. A download code for the first is included for free with new copies of the game, but it's the second one that is the better of the two really.

Overall:
In the end, this is a pretty good game. For someone who isn't into things like Twin Peaks, Silent Hill or the works of Stephen King, I'd describe it as a fun game and worth a try to see if you like it, assuming you can borrow a copy to try before spending any of your own money on it. You might like it, but there's no guarantees that the story will hook you and draw you in and make the whole thing more than the sum of it's parts.

For those who are fans of Twin Peaks, Silent Hill and/or Mr. King? If you haven't already played this then the only question left is why aren't you playing it right now? :)

Star Trek TNG - 11001001

Originally aired: February 1st 1988


In case anyone wants some useless trivia about this one before we start, the title appears to be the decimal number 201, C9 in hex or the letter É when converted back to Unicode characters.

The Enterprise arrives at a Starbase

The opening of these is usually the slowest moving plot part so I'll spend less time on it this time around. The Enterprise arrives at a Starbase for maintenance and upgrades. Especially to the holodeck due to the problems they've had with it. If only you knew, Picard. If only. Geordi's still at the helm. That's weird. It doesn't feel right unless he's the head of Engineering. A maintenance crew come aboard by airlock. It makes sense you'd use them when docked, but I somehow still thought that people would beam on and off the ship. They do love that transporter. But I guess they have to be concious of energy wastage. Just cos you have a matter / antimatter reactor is no reason to piss all that energy away.

01 and 10. Or was it 10 and 01? Whatever.

The maintenance crew include two purple aliens called Bynars who - based on their expressions - seem to be sharing a private joke. The Commander in charge of the crew explains that they are neither male nor female, but a unified pair who are always together. He introduces them as 01 and 10. Really? That would leave room for 4 names in Bynar society. When you take into account that they're always in pairs, you could still only name a handful of Bynar pairs uniquely. I think the writers pushed the binary angle too hard here, or perhaps the Bynars simply dumbed down their real name conventions for the solitary human mind to deal with.


The Bynars seem to be happy to work on the Enterprise, having just upgraded another ship's computers. Pushing the paired entity thing further, they finish each other's sentences. What I do like though, its in order to help the sense of them being alien is the clever casting trick. They apparently cast women to play the Bynars and you can see that in their movements. But they pitch-altered their voices down to sound male, and their speech mannerisms are very male. Helps sell them as non-human despite them being humans in makeup. They get annoyed that they only have 48 hours to work on the ship but agree to the time limit a little too quickly.


Picard and Riker are planning to stay on board, but it seems that the rest of the crew may be headed to the the Starbase for R&R. After leaving the Bynars Picard expositions for the viewer that the Bynars have all become interdependent with the master computer on their homeworld, to the point that their language and thought patterns have become close to binary machine code. That's an interesting idea and one that has some small parallels with our society. 


The Bynars removed the barriers between themselves and their technology. We haven't but they still slowly erode away. Today, 23 years after this episode aired, we live in a world where nearly everyone carries a pocket computer and thinks of it as just a phone. Those same devices are quite often responsible for remembering things for us - appointments, birthdays, shopping lists, contact details etc. In a small way, we have placed part of our minds outside our bodies in these devices. There are still hard barriers between our brains and technology but our minds already exist outside our skulls.


As Riker and Picard arrive on the Bridge, Wesley is there watching four Bynars work. Apparently, just because they're docked at Starbase it's okay to leave an acting-officer with no actual commission to watch four aliens who are computer experts as they work on the ship's primary systems. This lapse in security can't possible go wrong somehow, can it? All the same, Riker does seem to pick up on shifty behaviour from them as Wes and he talk to them. Wes points out quite sensibly that a whole new species so different to humanity may just behave differently and have different behavioural mannerism, but Riker isn't convinced. He asks Wes to stay on the Bridge and watch the Bynars.


Riker does get annoyed when power turns off in his section, despite the perfectly rational explanation the compute gives him about shutting down sections of the computer itself for the upgrade. He's acting paranoid, which in TV means he's almost certainly right to be worried. In the meantime, he chats with the security officers as they head off to play some future sport, and then visits Geordi and Data as Data practices painting, trying to see if an android can be creative. Riker tells them to keep notes as some academic may be interested in future. After all, who wouldn't be interested in a blind man teaching an android to paint?

The holo-version of the Bourbon St. Bar is
 probably a lot cleaner than the real one.

Riker's tour takes him to Doctor Crusher. She's packing her medical notes to go meet some famous cybernetics medical researcher, hoping to impress him with her research. She geeks out a bit and leaves him. So he wanders back to the Bynars working at the holodeck. They tell him that they've patched the previous glitch and enhanced the system a little. And finally the plot can get moving. Riker decides to spend a little time testing the new holodeck. He chooses a Jazz club in New Orleans, 1958. The doors open and there's a damn convincing set on a sound stage looking just like a Jazz club from the time. The holodeck gives him a band and an audience, which he trims down to a single chick in a dress.


Where it seems obvious to me that the Bynars are messing with him, or that the Bynars have really enhanced the computer a shitload, is that he doesn't really order any of this out loud from the computer like they usually do. Instead of speaking clear, more or less unambiguous orders to the computer, he sort of thinks out loud and the holodeck gives him what he wants. That should have been a blatant clue to him that it was probably the Bynars who were interpreting for him and the holodeck wasn't really as good as advertised. As he walks in to the bar, the Bynars go back to tinkering with the system. Riker starts chatting up the virutal hotty and already she seems like she's been written to appeal specifically to him. That ought to have been warning sign number 2. Poor deluded Will, letting little Will do all his thinking.


On the Bridge, Wes asks some questions of the maintenance Commander and the Bynars. They explain that the noise they make is their language as they share information at high speed. They discuss that mixing their society with computers so thoroughly has plenty of advantages and a few disadvantages. Picard stops by and decides to join Riker on the holodeck.

Minuet, Riker's holo-floozy.

Back down there, Riker is playing Jazz for his audience of one. He's obviously really liking the new holodeck system. I don't know if Johnathan Frakes can actually play the trombone but he sells it really well. It did look like he was playing the music we hear. Riker's really impressed by the realism of the holodeck charactersm and I have to admit he's right. Most Trek holodeck situations have hyper-real main characters and cardboard cut-out background characters. Even the nameless Jazz musicians here behave like proper people. The Bynars know how to program a holodeck all right. Riker agrees to a dance with his holo-chick before he leaves. She explains that she's learning to dance with him on-the-fly by anticipating his lead. I always find it amusing when holodeck characters are aware of their nature. It usually makes for better stories that when they don't know and discover what they really are. But maybe I'm biased due to the atrocity that was Voyager's Fairhaven.


Riker gets so caught up in the simulation while dancing with Minuet. I always thought that the Starfleet crews we see must be the most driven and dedicated of their society as the average human of the future would pretty much live in their holodecks if they could. If that were true, then with Bynars programming holodecks, perhaps none of humanity would ever make out the door. As if to prove that, Picard arrives to get sucked into the program too. Straight away he's impressed by the simulation too. He apologises for intruding and starts to leave but Riker invites him to stay. Minuet hooks Picard straight away by greeting him in French and briefly discussing Paris with him. She drags both the boys back to the bar for a drink, and proceeds to trap him in the conversation as quickly as possible.


Picard can't help but indulge in some exposition though. He does so love to do that. He points out that the holodeck characters are never as intriguing as Minuet, especially since she's so adaptive to new people. She points out that she simply heard his name and looked up how to speak French. It seems simple to me - given her self awareness of her holographic nature, why wouldn't she be able to use the computer to adapt? Why wouldn't the entire knowledge base of the ship be at her command?


Outside the holodeck, Wesley notifies Geordi and Data of possible problems with antimatter containment in Engineering. They head there to sort it out, telling Wes not to notify the Captain or Riker until they check it out. I guess it might make sense not to bother them based on the worries of an acting Ensign, but on the other hand - an antimatter containment failure while docked at Starbase? Could kill millions. I'd have probably told him straight away myself. The boys get to Engineering to see that there's no one there and they are getting strange reading from containment systems as it appears to be failing. Data goes to Red Alert and Geordi tries to call the Captain. I guess policy in  these cases is an emergency undocking and moving off from the Starbase as fast as possible. They can't contact the Captain and can't save the containment field. The computer tells them they have a little over four minutes until failure - and it does so in a strange male voice I might add. I know they have a potential explosion to worry about, but has no-one thought that the computer is acting odd at all?


Data orders an automated undocking from the Starbase as well as ordering all hands to abandon ship. Upon hearing the order, people in the corridors do what humanity has always done during evacuations and head off in different directions - presumably to get their stuff before fleeing the danger. The crew and their familes all head for shuttles, transporters and airlocks to get off the ship. For the most part they're all pretty organised. On the Starbase the ship's officers watch the evacuation happen as Data and Geordi are on the Bridge plotting the automated departure course before evacuating. They query the location of Riker and Picard and the computer lies to them saying that all decks are empty. That's clearly a lie as Geordi and Data are aboard, but whatever. Data seems surprised that Picard wasn't last to leave but they have to go as they have 40 seconds. Can the ship even undock in 40 seconds? I bet it could get clear of the station in that time, but first it would have to undock and turn around. The guys take a turbolift to get to the transporters. Really? With only 40 seconds left? Why wouldn't they just request a beam out from the Starbase transporters? Data says that he hopes they're the last off - the computer just told you that you were. Don't you trust it Data? :)


Upon arrival on the Starbase, they discover that Picard and Riker aren't aboard and also receive notification that the Enterprise's antimatter containment is regenerating miraculously. But the Enterprise is already almost clear of it's dock. By the way? It's been 40 seconds already. Maybe that was the deadline until automated undocking and not until the explosion. The ship reverses out of the Starbase, wheels around and jumps to warp speed.


Back on the holodeck, Picard and Riker are still chatting to Minuet and apparently have heard nothing about the Red Alert. Picard can't help but marvel how intuitive Minuet is. He thinks it must be because she's programmed to take in far more of the data humans are constantly broadcasting in body language, tone of voice, etc, etc. Yes, Picard. That's a large part of what intuition and empathy is. Riker thinks that she's real enough to fall in love with and Picard, the old French romantic that he is, says that love always starts that way - with the illusion more real than the woman herself. I guess Jean Luc's got a bit of a cynical side. As Minuet and Riker get a little more physical with each other, Picard decide to leave but Minuet moves to stop him. Riker tries to get him to stay as well, but he says that this is Riker's R&R, not his. Mineut gets a little more desperate to stop him leaving and even these two can't help but realise she's up to something.


Picard calls for the exit and he and Riker leave to see the Red Alerts alarms blaring and can't get a response from the Bridge. They are told that the ship has been evacuated and why by the computer. They discover that they are at high warp speed headed for the Bynar homeworld. Wondering why the Bynars have stolen the ship, they turn to Minuet for answers who admits she's in on the plan. She says that they saw Riker's response to her and reprogrammed her to keep him there. Picard asks about him and she says that he was just luck.

PLOT HOLE ALERT!!!
But we'll come back to that.

She suddenly clams up, claiming she's not programmed to tell them any more. So they hit the road and head for the Bridge. Back on the Starbase, the senior crew plan how to catch up to the Enterprise, and only now realise that the Bynars didn't evacuate with them. These people are not ace detectives. Data correctly intuits that the Enterprise is headed for Bynus and requests sending a ship there to intercept the Enterprise.


On the Enterprise, Picard and Riker hit the armoury and gear up. Apparently, all he has to say to get in is "Picard, access". Any teenager with a PADD could fake that. Where's the security codes that they always use? It turns out that when gearing up to retake the ship, Riker and Picard only took a hand phaser each. Weak sauce. Why not phaser rifles? Some kind of stun grenades or something? Lame. Picard wants to go the Engineering and verify antimatter containment and start the self destruct timer. They exposition that they have to start the timer but it's fixed for 5 minutes. That gives them time to get to the bridge, regain control and turn off the timer, but it'll be tight. I'm sure that in future we get to see command staff specify the timer on the self-destruct. Maybe that feature was added because of the events of this episode. The timer gets going so Picard and Riker head off. They do take the time to note that apparently the ship's computer has received and stored a shitload of data.


They find themselves locked out of the bridge, and they decide to beam into the bridge to separate locations so at least one of them will probably get the drop on the Bynars. Back on the Starbase, Data feels guilty for taking R&R since he is capable of serving 24 / 7. As a sapient entity, I think even Data might crack under the strain of working non-stop. Anyway, the point of this scene is apparently that it'll still be 18 hours until one of the ships docked in the station will be ready to pursue the Enterprise.


Picard and Riker beam into the Bridge and find some barely concious Bynars behind Riker. If they had been awake and armed, Riker was toast. And given that they outnumbered Picard 4 to 1, he was probably dead as well. Picard manages to get them to tell him that they require help from Picard. The ship pulls into orbit around Bynus and Picard and Riker shut off the self destruct. Picard scans Bynus and finds that the computer and all related systems - including the population - are shutting down. Picard checks the ship's computer and finds that it's completely full of information - it looks like a core dump from the Bynus main computer. Wondering what they need to do, the guys go back to Minuet.


She tells them a star in the star system went Nova, and the Bynars miscalculated. Hah! What are the odd that the homeworld of the Bynars is a binary star system! We get it writer people! This is a binary race - everything comes in pairs for them. Including stars it seems. Well, up until now anyway. The EM pulse from the Nova was going to take out the main computer. So they dumped the data to the Enterprise and shut down until the pulse had gone. They need it rebooted and the data copied back. But the nova happened early and the plan wasn't in place so the computer is still off and they're dying. And the Enterprise was late arriving at the Starbase. So this race is all dying cos the Enterprise can't stick to schedule. :) Minuet tells them to reboot the master computer and copy the data back. She begs them to help quickly.


So they get back to the Bridge and call the Starbase for help. He asks Data to help them to work out how to get at the data. He suggests that the password would be something easy to guess if they wanted Picard to access it, and it would be in binary. So he tries to get the computer to try all 8 digit binary numbers and it finds the file. But they can't open it. Picard theorises that since Bynars work in pairs he needs to use the adjacent Science Station to access the file simultaneously. That works.


And there's our plot hole. If the Bynar plan required two people to access the data simultaneously, why was Minuet solely programmed to trap Riker? Why did she say that it was pure luck that they got Picard too? I guess that they thought maybe Riker could work both stations himself. It would be awkward but not impossible. Picard gets at the data and initiates the reboot and download. He's amazed at the complexity of their computer. Moments after the reboot the Bynars on the ship awake. They thank Picard for saving them and volunteer to return to Starbase 74 for punishment. Picard inquires why they simply didn't ask for help. They confer, and reply that Starfleet might have said no. Riker points out that they probably would have said yes, but the Bynars reason that the risk was too high to take the risk. 


They explain that they lured Riker to the holodeck to be the backup plan in case they were not concious upon arrival at Bynar.Why they bother going over this with Riker I don't know as Minuet already explained that.


Picard explains that they planet Bynus is safe, the ship is back in Starfleet control and no-one was hurt so he seems to think the situation was resolved satisfactorily. I bet the Bynars will be facing some kind of sanction from the Federation though. Picard takes the conn and lays in a course for the Starbase 74, and the ship sets off. They dock at the Starbase once more and take the crew and civilians back on board. Picard orders a ship-wide systems check and hands the Bynars over to Security so there can be a hearing.

WHY? Why would her face change?
It makes no sense. :(

Finally, Riker heads back to the holodeck to see Minuet. He's shocked when she turns her head and it's not her though. I get that they wanted to hammer home quickly to the viewer that without the Bynar programming, Minuet is just another holodeck character and not at all real. But why would her physical appearance change? That's just weird, even if it is effective visual shorthand for the message they want to convey. As if to further emphasise the point, "Minuet" stares at him blankly as he talks about her since what he's saying presumably falls outside the parameters of her apparently limited programming. If Riker loved her for her mind, he's in trouble because this version of her seems to be a totally unresponsive airhead.


Back on the Bridge, Riker sadly informs Picard that Minuet is gone and he couldn't get her back despite tinkering with the program. Picard concludes that she was part of the Bynar's program. He consoles Riker with the fact that not all relationships can be made to work. True that - I imagine it'd be a strain on the relationship that she can't leave the holodeck and Riker could have switched her on and off at will. :) Riker says she'll be difficult to forget and takes his station. With that, the Enterprise resumes her mission.


Overall, an okay episode. Some nice sci-fi ideas with the Bynars but they were only sort of put out there for consideration and not really explored meaningfully at all. Some bonding between Riker and Picard which was cool - it does help show how well they work together as a command team. Everyone else in the episode got sidelined for those two though, perhaps excepting Data and his brief moment of command and subsequent second guessing of his own command. Sign of things to come I feel - with a large-ish cast, Trek episodes quite often had to focus on a small few characters and sideline the rest. It does work better when the plot focus is not spread too thin though.


Next: Too Short a Season, a rather forgettable episode but not a bad one.

Star Trek TNG - Angel One

Wow. I hadn't realised it had been so long since I posted here. I really need to put more effort into this or not bother at all. So in an attempt to get back into this, I'll start with what I've been putting off for ages. The next episode of Star Trek: Next Generation. After all, if I don't push ahead through the terrible episodes, then how I will get to enjoy rewatching the episodes I loved as a teenager? So without further ado:

Originally aired: January 25th, 1988

We open with the Enterprise looking for survivors of a wrecked ship but only finding that some escape pods are missing. The trail leads them to a planet called Angel 1. As the planet hails them, Picard reminds them to be especially diplomatic with this planet as it's important to the Federation. Data takes the opportunity to exposition a bit (God, he loves doing that) and tells us this planet is ruled by an elected council of women. Picard nominates Troi to be the first point of contact, given that they'll be dealing with female leaders. Despite this gesture, the planet's leader doesn't really want them there and reluctant agrees to them visit briefly to look for the survivors. Just as well, or Riker would never get to play at being Kirk. Well, I assume he will. After all, Riker on a planet full of strong women? How else could this end?

On his way to the transporter Riker runs into Wesley who's headed for the holodeck. Apparently skiing on the Denubian Alps. Really, Star Trek? The Swiss Alps aren't good enough for you? I never liked when sci-fi shows got a little too heavy handed with using made up alien places and alien historical figures, and Trek was one of the worst for it. I suppose it's to show that humanity really has spread across the galaxy and is much bigger than any one planet. And to a native of the Federation it wouldn't sound weird. But it does sound off to me, damn it.

Anyway. The away team is beaming down lead by Riker. Given that Troi is going too, why not put her in charge? Picard reminds them that this planet is important and they want it to join the Federation some day. That's two warnings now - at this point a diplomatic incident is almost inevitable. Odds are Riker will be the one to cock it up. On the planet, there's a nice touch in the costuming. Given that females here are are dominant as males in Earth's history, it makes it a little more authentic that most of the men are all wearing revealing clothes. Not one of them has their chest covered up. I think they might be wearing jewellery as well. I guess they have to look nice for their wives when they get home from work. :)

The Council of Angel 1. Ready to dick the away team around.

Riker and Troi try to negotiate permission to look for survivors, but keep getting dicked around by the leaders. When flat out asked if the survivors are here, the elected leader Beata replies that she's not ready to answer yet. That would be a big fat yes then. As they are dismissed, Riker and Troi are puzzled by all this. I guess they haven't spent a lot of time in diplomatic contact with non Federation planets before and are confused by people who aren't all honest and nice all of the time.

After confirming that their quarters are not bugged, they discuss what just happened and prove they're not completely stupid when they all pretty much agree that the survivors must be here. Data asks what they will do if they are told that the people they are looking for aren't here and Riker tells him not to look for problems. Ever hear the phrase "Hope for the best but plan for the worst" Riker?

Back on the ship, Picard is preparing the ship to head for the Neutral Zone as the Romulans are acting up. Yay! First mention of the Romulans! I guess they've given up on the Ferengi as bad guys and are gearing up the Romulan threat. As he discusses this with Worf he is hit with a snowball from the holodeck, thrown by Wesley. Picard isn't too pleased by this. For fucks sake, Picard. It's two teenage kids playing on the holodeck. Lighten up.

There's a cute little conversation amongst the away team as Data asks the others about perfume and acts all naive about how perfume can help attract a mate. The others on the team all smirk at each other rather than answer him, before they are summoned to see Mistress Beata. Any minute now, Riker is going to try to kiss her or something. I can almost see him channelling William Shatner. Beata tells the away team that the council has decided to trust them, but not unanimously. She tells them four men made it to the planet from the ship seven years ago. But they these four men have gone into hiding since they stared causing trouble on Angel 1 and then went on the run. They are apparently dangerous.

On the ship, there seems to be some kind of virus going around as some of the kids are sick - Wesley included. I really don't know what this scene is doing here. Is it going to be relevant later on? Chekov's Flu perhaps?

Riker and Data discuss how they might use the ship's sensor to find the men and Data asks for access to the planet's library database to try to work out something that might be unique to the four survivors so they can find them. Beata seems amused by the idea of an android shaped like a man. The internet tells me there was a scene cut from the script where one of the council leaders tries to seduce Data. I guess Riker isn't the only one who seems to have some luck with all these alien women. Data tells the ship to scan for platinum. Apparently there is none of that on this planet.

Riker is off to meet with Beata and plans to wear the typical clothing for males on this planet while doing so. The girls are a little shocked that he would wear these clothes and parade around like the men of this planet. Riker sticks to his guns that it's standard diplomatic procedure to respectfully dress as the locals do and he's done it before. And besides, how else will he get his Kirk on if he doesn't show a little skin? :)

Back on the ship, Chekov's Flu is picking up speed as Picard gets sick. Dr. Crusher relieves him of duty to get some bedrest. Geordi is put in command of the ship while Picard is sick and the First and Second officers are planetside. Geordi acts like a total dork in his fist ten seconds of being in command. Still not sure what this plot is even here for. They find a platinum trace though and notify the away team.

Ramsey and his bad haircut have
been expecting the away team.

Planetside, Riker has finished dressing up for Beata and the girls make fun of him. Christ, he's even wearing earrings. There's some bickering between Riker and one of the council leaders who doesn't trust him. Beata gives permission to the away team to go look for the survivors. Beata tells him to send the girls to get the survivors while he stays there with Beata. I'd say he's reached a 7 or 8 on the Kirk scale by now. Any minute now, he's going to achieve the full Shatner. The away team has the ship beam them off to find the survivors. On arrival, they are greeted peacefully by Ramsey, one of the fugitive survivors, who says he was expecting them. I think the plot is finally going to get moving.

On the ship, the virus is spreading fast and the pressure to go deal with the Romulans. It seems like Geordi's all alone on the bridge now and getting a little overwhelmed with command. Is that the point of this plot?

Beata and her early 90s hair
prepare to seduce Riker.

The away team find that the survivors don't want to leave. They all have wives and kids and think of this as their home now. Riker tries to get more info about what's going on from Beata. But she seems more interested in just getting her leg over. I thought Riker was channelling Kirk, but in a twist fitting the themes of this episode it's the alien chick who's going full on Kirk. Riker gives in and lets himself be seduced. But they are interrupted by her man servant before they get anywhere who brings Riker's gift for Beata. It seems to be a cheap glowing crystal prop that looks crap despite Riker talking it up. And then Beata gets back to what she's really after and throws herself at Riker. I swaer, all this scene needs is for Riker to have green skin and be wearing a bikini and it'd be a full on Reverse Kirk scenario. :)



Ramsey tells the away team that they were happy on Angel 1 at first, but over time they grew unhappy with the way men were treated. They still want to stay on the planet though. Data backs up the survivor in his claim that they cannot remove him by force. Apparently his ship was a private ship and therefore not bound by the Prime Directive. I think that the rules around the Prime Directive change each episode as the plot demands.

On the ship, hundreds of people have gotten sick. Crusher is still working on a cure, but the virus mutates every minutes making it really hard. If the virus is that unstable, I'd imagine it would probably already have mutated into a lethal form by now, but there have been no fatalities. They are apparently perilously close to not having enough people to run the ship. I am still not clear on the purpose of this plot. Is it simply here so that Geordi, Crusher, Worf and Picard will get a few scenes in this episode?

Tasha is preparing to leave the survivors behind, but tries to find out why he was expecting them. Just like Mistress Beata he says he can't answer that yet. In a completely predictable turn of events his wife shows herself after the away team leave and it's Mistress Ariel - the council member who was so distrustful of the away team and didn't want to let them search for the men. This is just going to boil down to a simple plot about Beata wanting the trouble makers off her planet, isn't it? The away team return to interrupt Riker and Beata and fill them in on what happened. Beata says that if the away team don't take the men off the planet, she'll have them all sentenced to death.

On the ship, Crusher makes a house call to Picard and notices a scent that Picard spotted earlier when meeting Wesley. Crusher makes the connection that the sweet smell is the transmission mechanism of the virus. I still don't give a shit about this plot. Apparently, the Romulans are really crowding the Federation outpost and the single starship that turned up to help so far is outgunned.

Riker thinks that they should leave, saying that the fugitives have evaded capture so long that they'll be fine. As he says this Beata turns up with the fugitives in tow. Ramsey, the fugitive leader, blames Riker for betraying him but it seems that Beata simply followed Ariel to find Ramsey. Beata sentences the fugtives and their wives to death. Riker tries to negotiate a way to avoid killing the fugitives. He asks to talk to the men to try to find a way around this. He promises to take Ramsey, his men, their families and followers if they want to leave. But Ramsey refuses to leave this world. He doesn't want to die, but he refuses to abandon the stand he's taking. Riker says he'll take them all by force and face a court martial rather than let them die.

He calls the ship and Geordi's gotten sick now. Dr. Crusher appears to be in command. She refuses to beam anyone onto the ship, declaring that she's quarantining the ship. She shows admirable leadership really, making a hard call with little hesitation. I know they come back to that idea later on when Troi tries to qualify as a command officer and Crusher gives her advice from when she did that training. Looking at her here, I'd easily believe that she passed that training first time out. Riker decides to send Data back to the ship since he can't get sick. I'd imagine he might be to carry the virus in some fashion, so I hope they don't beam him back down later. It's his job to take the ship to the Neutral Zone to deal with the Romulans. If any crew member can handle that situation single handedly, it's him.

The next day, the away team is invited to the execution but refuse to go. Data suddenly hails the away team and they are surprised the ship hasn't left. Data rules-lawyers them citing that his orders were to reach the Neutral Zone "before it is too late". I'd hate to play a board game or RPG with Data. He'd always be citing obscure rules and ruining everyone's fun. He says he thinks he has 48 minutes before he has to leave. Apparently thinking there is still something he can do, Riker decides to attend the execution after all. They demonstrate their execution method by disintegrated a vase, claiming that the punishment will be quick and painless.

Riker points out that this is not a revolution of their society as Beata claims but evolution. He points out that the survivors didn't start this change, but they became a symbol for a previously existing sentiment. He points out that she is merely creating martyrs for the cause of gender equality on her planet and in doing so will create an undefeatable foe in Ramsey. Beata's reaction is pretty much summed up as "Meh" as she orders the execution to proceed. Of course, she makes her man-servant push the button. She doesn't even have the guts to do it herself. But at the last second she relents, and leaves to discuss Riker's plea with the council.

On the ship, Data is in command as Crusher calls him to let him know that she has found an inoculation for the virus. Data notifies Riker who asks that he prepare to beam the team and Ramsey's group up but not engage the transporter yet. I guess this is his backup plan if Beata still wants to get her murder on. Speaking of which, Beata and the others return. She decides that the execution has been cancelled. She still plans to exile the group to the remotest area of the planet where they will have to struggle to survive. She claims that even if she cannot stop evolution of the society she will at least hobble it. Riker takes what victory he can get and returns to the ship, where everyone is returning to health.

Picard orders the ship to the Neutral Zone but hasn't recovered fully and his voice has gone, so Riker orders the ship out and off they go.

All in all, that was not as bad an episode as I remembered. Not great either. Lack of originality is probably it's biggest flaw. Trying to say something about gender inequality by reversing the roles of the genders is a good way to do that, but what the show had to say about that was hardly original, inspiring or even all that thought-provoking. Perhaps the most notable thing it said was that the evolution to a more equal society is an inevitable step that cannot be denied. I'd like to think that's true but even now in the 21st Century we have a long way to go.

The virus plotline revealed its purpose a little late in the game to be interesting though. It seemed like it was only there to help put pressure on the away team. They already had the Romulan threat to act as a ticking clock, but I guess the virus introduced the complication of the quarantine which raised the stakes for the away team as they had no safety net of just beaming everyone out. I can;t help but feel they could have done more. They ever so slightly touched on a burden of command plotline with Geordi which they then backed off from almost immediately. I'd have liked to see more of that.

So a more or less average episode with a bit of wasted potential.

Next up: 11001001, which explores somewhat the idea of a species who operate in binary pairs and are completely co-dependent. With a holodeck malfunction thrown in for good measure.

The Witcher

Geralt of Rivia

I wasn't really too interested in this game when in first came out, being yet another fantasy role playing game - albeit an Eastern European one based on some massively popular Polish fantasy novels this time. It looked just like pretty much all the other fantasy roleplaying video games around over the last few years. The kind of game I had played to death already. But a special edition arrived to bring down the price, patch the crap out of the game and vastly improve the English voice overs. So, I found myself playing through the adventures of Geralt of Rivia (shown on the right), a Witcher - in other words a human genetically modified through alchemy who dedicates his life to being a monster hunter for hire.

He didn't score any points with me at first, looking like an angsty anti-hero type. That, plus the game started with the clichéd amnesia trope to get the game started. But I guess it's a convenient way to get the game going without required players to be familiar with the original Polish novels. Or the TV series or movie for that matter.

But as the game got going, it drew me in quite a bit. I actually really appreciated that the morality of the game was all shades of gray. Not to say that your character or his mission isn't quite heroic. But you quite quickly - and repeatedly - find yourself involved in situations where you may have to take sides, and neither side is clearly in the right or wrong. Early on you find yourself between a lynch mob and a witch who is innocent of the crimes the mob claim she did, but not entirely innocent. It's a little one sided as the game gives you a fairly weak reason to cast the witch to the mob, but that example is almost like the game's way of easing you into the idea.

Later in the game you find yourself torn between two sides who have somewhat legitimate causes but also are using some rather less than pleasant means to achieve their goals. Staying neutral is possible, but not easy. It's not written spectacularly well, but it is intriguing and makes a refreshing change from these games usual approach of morality choices - which is "paragon of virtue" versus "puppy kicking asshole".

The other concept the game runs with throughout it's length is based off the amnesia thing. The player can talk to quite a lot of characters from Geralt's life to try to determine what Geralt was like before his narrow escape from death, and try to put together an idea on who he is, what he is and what he wants. It's not a bad idea but apart from one part of it, it's only touched on a little. That one part of it is exploring the character's attitude towards love, given he spends most of his life on the road killing monsters for a living. This is reasonably well done, but I couldn't help but feel the fact the game lets Geralt shag any woman who's willing throughout the game undermines that plot thread a little. Though perhaps it's simply a part of it, letting the player choose to pursue Ms. Right in Geralt's life or simply Ms. Right Now if they decide that's all Geralt wants. But in the end, it's implemented in a rather cheesy and childish way.

In the end though, the gameplay side of the game is a lot of fun, and the game looks quite pretty. The story may fall slightly short of being something amazing, but it's quite atmospheric all the same - drawing on a lot of authentic eastern European folklore to make it's world seem suitable fantastic and horrible. So it's a pretty solid game all around. It's also quite nice to see a major success from Eastern Europe. Lots of games come out of the US, UK or Japan, but there's no reason why the rest of the world can't have decent games to offer us. And it's obviously done well enough to get a sequel, which has a ludicrous Collector's Edition out this year. Can you imagine having that bust of Geralt (shown to the right) on your shelf?

I mean, where would I put it since my bust of Master Chief's helmet is taking up all the good bust space in my house? :)

Star Trek TNG - Datalore

Original airdate: January 18th, 1988

This episode has stuck in my memory for years. I can't say it's a great episode, but when I was younger I loved the whole Evil Twin thing, and Brent Spiner finally gets a chance to steal the show a bit in this episode playing two parts. Checking around, I see that it almost never happened - Lore was originally supposed to be a female android and love interest. I think they did better with the evil twin thing really, though you could definitely do a decent sci-fi story about a robot love affair. Anyway, on with the show.

For whatever reason, the Enterprise is in the vicinity of Data's "homeworld" where he was found. Picard decides to visit the planet to see if they can shed some light on Data's origin. Not too unreasonable a reason to divert the ship - Data is, after all, the first known artificially intelligent life form. I'd want to know where he came from too. Actually - intelligent may have been too strong a word, as we cut to Data practising trying to sneeze like a human, and sucking at it. That's such a good use of your time, Data. Amongst other banal topics, Wesley calls him out on how stupid practising sneezes is, before sending Data to the bridge.

And that's when we get our first surprise - no life signs on Data's homeworld. As they approach, the crew launch into a better than usual exposition conversation letting us know that Data holds the accumulated knowledge of 400 or so colonists from the science colony on the planet below, before heading off to beam down to the planet. Keep it up guys - before long you might be experts at this, just like Basil Exposition.

After the credits, the away team stands on a sparsely decorated sound stage and reports that the planet appears completely lifeless - not even bacteria in the soil.  Something did a thorough job on this rock. Data sets off to find the spot in which Starfleet found him, as the crew speculate that the planet must have been dying around the time Data was found, and Data clarifies that the memories he possesses were downloaded into him in a hurry. Sounds like something was up. I wonder if this lot, who routinely fail their Spot Obvious skill checks will work it out. Data shows the others the slab of rock he was found lying on, covered in a film of dust. His first memory is opening his eyes and seeing the USS Tripoli's away team. Geordi is the first to show off some deductive ability and works out that the cave was constructed in a hurry to hide something away there. That prompts Data to remember that the colonists planned to hide away from something in the cave, and stored their knowledge in Data in case they didn't survive whatever was coming. The plot thickens, but I'm still less than excited. Show, don't tell people! It's been minutes of nothing but exposition!

Finally, something happens as Geordi discovers a secret door. Inside is another soundstage, but this one seems to be an underground complex. It suddenly hit me that the away team seems intelligently chosen this time. The First Officer for command, two security officers, an engineer and a science officer who's got android strength. It is a lot different from Kirk's method of beaming down all his senior officers onto any planet that looked remotely interesting. Inside the complex is an impressive science lab, with lots of doodads and flashing lights. Data vaguely remembers having been in the lab before, and upon looking at what seems to be children's pictures of people fleeing in terror from a giant snowflake remembers that the entity in the picture is dangerous. No shit Sherlock! Did the kids pictures of people screaming in terror and fleeing give it away?

Data mentions that Dr. Noonien Soong had a workstation in the labs, and the others are suddenly all "Holy Shit! The Noonien Soong? Earth's foremost robotics scientist?" Somehow I feel the fact that Data remembered Soong would have come up before. Riker expositions that Soongs attempt to create Asimov's positronic brain failed, and they now know he fled to another colony to try again. It's not clear if they actually know that Data is that second attempt, but I assume so. It seems clear though, that the writers don't get the implications of a positronic brain. I know that is was chosen by Asimov to be an advanced sounding techy buzzword, but taken literally? I know I'd be a little freaked out if the "man" next to me had anti-matter particles whizzing around inside his head. Anyway, in order to look around quicker, Riker decides to split the party. Never a good idea.

Following this bad idea with another, Riker starts to press buttons without even asking the scientist or the engineer what they are. He discovers what appears to be the device used to mould Data's torso and head. Yar confirms that the complex is empty, while Geordi finds a storage area that seems to be unnecessarily full of dry ice. Crazy scientists on far away planets love them some dry ice. In this case, it's to facilitate a shocking reveal of Data's evil twin. Some assembly required it seems as the new android is in parts. Data insists that it's important to him to re-assemble the new android, and Riker concedes. I tend to agree with him - given the Enterprise's mission, it's hard to turn down both the chance to reunite a crew member with all he has for family, as well as the chance to learn more about androids and what happened on this planet. For once, the obviously wrong, plot propelling decision actually does make sense at the time.

On the ship, the crew are studying the parts and trying to work out how to assemble them. A little advice guys? Ask the fully functional model standing there watching you fuck around with his brother's body parts for help you asspods. Though as Data is summoned to the briefing room, Chief Engineer Not-Geordi explains that they have all the bits, and are trying to work out how to assemble and activate it. He adds that they don't understand how Data works either so this will take a while. In the briefing room, Picard tries to cut through the crew's akwardness at talking about Data and his brother as machines, by reminding everyone that they are all just electro-chemical machines, and not that different from Data. Ah, Jean Luc, you space atheist. Actually, I can't remember. Does any one human on this show ever show signs of religious belief? I know the Trek shows touch on alien religion quite a bit, but I can;t remember if they ever had the balls to touch real world religious matters at all. Anyway, Picard has it slight wrong - we're not the same as Data. He's better. If his bits fall off, you can just screw them back on. That sort of subject actually comes up as the crew discuss why Data was built in the human form as Data reminds them that in some ways he outperforms the human body. Suck it, meatbag fleshy ones!

Riker drags thing back onto the other plot thread by showing Picard the kids drawings of the entity that all the kids drew the colonists fleeing from. But we get no exposition as Data is called away to help with the assembly of his brother, and tells Dr Crusher about Checkov's Off Switch - I mean his On/Off button. Apparently he has given permission to be disassembled temporarily to be studied. Crusher promises to keep the secret about his off switch. Hah! By the end of the show's run I bet half the ship knows about it and uses it for practical jokes all the time. After studying Data's circuitry and reviving him, they finish assembly of the other droid, but he hasn't woken up. Seems like the crew know what they're doing. As Picard wonders which was assembled first, the droid opens his eyes and claims Data came first, and that he's the superior model. Smug bastard.

Picard is troubled by Lore's attitude - showing that he's not totally stupid - and wonders what it is about Lore that makes him better than Data, and how Data feels about his relationship with his new brother. Data reassures Picard he is completely loyal to the Captain, the ship and Starfleet. Outside, Geordi is teaching Lore how to fly the ship. Because that's a fucking genius idea. Teach the strange android that Picard doesn't appear to fully trust how to fly the fucking ship. Moron. Lore eagerly takes in everyting they teach him, but almost a little too late tries to play ignorant when Riker unwittingly tricks him into revealing a knowledge of basic geometry. I'm not sure what's more odd about that scene - apart from Data, no one on the crew seems put out by Lore being on the bridge, and Lore acts like he almost gave the game away by knowing about triangles. Weird. Data compliments Lore on his apparent eagerness to please humans, and Data makes some cryptic remarks about pleasing humans. Tasha is in the background watching. I wonder if the sight of two Datas is giving her ideas.

After leaving the bridge, Data cautions Lore that he revealed that he knew more than he claimed when Riker tricked him. He also warns him about Wesley. The general message seems to be to not underestimate humans. Lore thanks him for the info and sucks up to so hard, it's not funny. He plays the brother card a little too often, but it does help reinforce that Lore is totally playing Data for a sucker. Lore also can't resist getting a dig or two in at Data's inferiority. Data starts some research on Dr. Soong, but Lore spares him the trouble, telling him about "Often-Wrong" Soong, and how he created the two of them to prove he could really create positronic brains. Lore goes on to mock Data for living life as a human when he is so much better than those meatbags. He offers the possibility of obtaining the knowledge of millions of humans, and promises to tell Data more later. Data shows that he's been playing his cards close to his chest when he then calls Lore out on the matter of which one was built first. Lore admits that Lore came first, and gets all crazy mad that the colonists hated him and his perfection and how Data was a dumbed down model to keep them happy.

This leads to the stupid Data-cannot-use-contractions thing. While necessary as a plot element to tell Lore and Data apart, it seems stupid even as a method of making Data seem less human that Lore. On top of that, due to the writers not thinking of this idea until this episode, Data has already used contractions on the show. I wonder if he manages to go the remaining six and a half seasons with no contractions outside quotations, or other justifying circumstances. Anyway, Lore continues to taunt Data about his inferiority, showing off that Lore ha a sense of humour and Data does not. Data demands that Lore use the console to report what the colony was like. Once Lore agrees, Data moves to leave - apparently not getting that his no good lying brother might be once more lying about co-operating with him. After he's gone, Lore starts downloading all the data in the console with a sly evil grin on his face.

Lore's report finally explains the kids pictures of the evil snowflake - the Crystalline Entity that absorbs all life on planets. When Tasha happens to notice that Lore has left the androids quarters, it turns out that Data has been monitoring Lore's every move. Maybe he's not so naive after all. Ah - it turns out that the surveillance was Picard's idea. In Data's quarters, Lore is busy slipping drugs into a glass of champagne. He offers the drugged glass to Data as a "humanity lesson" - allegedly toasting the historic occasion of their reunion. Ah, Lore - android date-rapist of the future. There's a sentence I never thought I'd type in my life. Whatever compound Lore put in the glass seems to work on Data quite quickly, as Lore boasts about how his full range of emotions includes ambition, and how he has been working with the Crystalline Entity and how he sold out the 400ish colonists to the entity.

The bridge notices suspicious transmissions from "Data" - as Lore calls the Snowflake of Doom to come eat the crew of the Enterprise. Wes is sent to investigate and see if Data is okay. Lore tries to convince Wes that he is Data and "lore" had to be disabled as he turned hostile when he discovered the surveillance. A somewhat plausible cover story. The story seems to work, though on the bridge Dr. Crusher seems sceptical that "Data" would so easily mention that androids of his model had an off switch. "Data" claims a change of mind - that he decided to trust the bridge crew with the secret. But luckily for him, most of the bridge crew are distracted by the arrival of the Snowflake of Doom!

Which promptly slams to a halt off the bow of the ship... and just sits there. I thought this thing was a threat. Why isn't it eating the crew? Are the shields an issue? I assume so, but why hasn't a crew member oh-so-conveniently expositioned that? Picard logically asks "Data" to consider extracting more info from "Lore", but "Data" states that he'd have to examine his brother enough to know if he could be controlled enough for that. Wesley burst out with a recommendation that Picard not trust "Data" to roam the ship alone. Despite "Data"'s reassurance that Wes is just being cautious and he can come watch "Data"'s movements, Picard seems to disapprove.


Silly Picard! How can you confuse the two of them? There's Data on the left, and that's Lore on the right. Em... maybe they're the other way around. Whatever. My point is, for a starship captain that will later claim to be so in sync with his crew that he does need to speak out loud to issue orders, he seems unable to notice a serious change in his second officer's behaviour. Data will probably be lodging a complaint with the ship's Human Resources department later.


Maybe I'm not giving the senior offices enough credit, as Riker rebukes the kid and insists on accompanying Wes and "Data" to make sure that Wes shows the ship's officers the correct respect. It seems like a straight line of dialogue, but I can't help but read into that Riker knows what Wes was saying and finds himself a away to tag along while apparently trusting "Data". In their quarters, "Data" pretends to reactivate "Lore" while pretending that "Lore" might attack the human crew members and they must leave for their own safety. Riker blows the newfound credit I was giving him by accepting this and leaving with Wes. Moron. After they leave, Lore mocks Data for wanting to be like the dumb humans, and kicks Data's unconscious head. On the bridge, Riker confirms his stupidity by reporting that he did believe Lore's ruse. Wes pushes his theory that it was really Lore again and gets slapped down by Picard, when the Snowflake of Doom finally starts to attack the ship.

"Data" appears on the bridge offering to talk to the to Snowflake and requests that the attack cease. His Snowflake buddy plays along and back off. "Data" offers to show their strength by beaming a tree into space and taunting the Snowflake by disintegrating the tree. He kind of gives himself away by calling Riker by name rather than calling him sir, and fails to realise what Picard's "make it so" response means, before leaving. Wes leaps on this as a chance to push his theory and get's slapped down with the best line of dialogue in the whole of Season 1:

Shut up Wesley!

Picard seems to at least acknowledge some of the suspicions by sending a security team after "Data" to monitor him. Beverly attacks Picard for his treatment of Wesley, but when Wesley jumps in again, she shuts him up herself. But I guess, as his mother, she's somewhat entitled to do so. But he doesn't listen, and yells at Picard that if a full officer had voiced the same suspicions, Picard would have listened to them. Of course we would have you little shit! It's called experience! You have to get a few years under your belt before you can expect the captain of the Starfleet flagship to take your opinion that seriously, especially when he doesn't personally agree with it.

Worf - on his way to monitor "Data" - falls into a trap and gets caught in a turbolift with Lore who beats the shit out of him. Meanwhile wonderchild Wes and his mother detour to check if "Lore" is really Data. Wes says that he heard that his mother knows how to reactivate Data. I fucking knew it. The next day and the whole fucking ship knows Data has an off switch. Of course, it helps that Lore broadcast it to the bridge crew I guess. At this point, Beverly seems to just trust her son that this is really Data and reactivates him. She must trust his identity as if it were really Lore, he could murderate the two of them in the wink of an eye. They bring Data up to speed on the snowflake situation, and they set off to stop Lore.

Speaking of which Lore is in the cargo bay chatting up the Snowflake, when they arrive to stop him. Lore's plan seems to be to drop the shields for a moment when his plan to transport a tree into space goes ahead, and the Snowflake can move in and eat the crew at that point. Finally, we get the exposition that proves Lore actually seemed to have a plan rather than fucking around at random. Data acts all disappointed saying that Lore "makes him wish he were an only child". That's fucking wonderful Data. That's bound to make Lore thinking more fondly of you in future. I wonder what you'll really think in years to come when you discover your mentally disabled brother B-4?

Lore threatens to murderate Wes, and Beverly pulls a phaser on him. So he throws Data at her and disarms her. Not looking good for the home team folks. Lore asks them to back off. I wondered why he doesn't just phaser Data to death and kill the two meatbags himself, but I guess he doesn't think he can get all three of them before one of them raises the alarm. Though next, Lore offers to let Beverly go and hints he may not hurt Wes. But surely the first thing she will do is notify the bridge and then Lore's plan is fucked. Maybe he is just doing random shit and doesn't actually have a plan. He confirms this when on a whim, he shoots her in the shoulder for shits and giggle really. Which provokes Data to jump him while he's distracted.

While the two droids fight and throw giant empty plastic barrels that are supposed to look heavy at each other, Data urges Wes to get on the transporter controls, and then he throws Lore onto the transporter pad. Lore recovers remarkably fast and fires the phaser at Data but he's too late and he and the start of the phaser beam are transported away. Guess it's a good thing that no-one did alert the bridge and the shields must have been briefly dropped to allow the transporter to engage or Data would be a pile of smoking spare parts. Just as it's all over, Riker and an armed security team rush in as the Doctor hangs back. So she did alert the bridge. Which makes me wonder why they allowed the transport off the ship - all their instrumentation would have told them it was Data on the transport pad. Whatever - I've already given up on rationalising away this episode's plot holes. They're at least as big as the giant Crystalline Snowflake.

Wes tries to be all manly saying that "Lore's gone - permanently!" Completely and utterly wrong, Wes. Evil Twins almost always come back. At this point, probably sensing that the plan has gone to shit, the Snowflake backs off. When asked if he's okay, Data says "I'm fine". No one seems to catch that Data used a contraction in the final scene. Was that just a stupid fakeout to play with the audience's head? Man, if only they'd pulled a Sliders on us and for the next two seasons, they actually had Lore pretending to be Data for some long running plot. But no - it was Data, and they were just messing with the audience's heads. Asspods.

Wow, for an episode that took a clichéd but potentially good story idea, this one sure went out of it's way to run it into the ground. A small few good pieces - Brent Spiner playing off against himself as his own straight man, "Shut up Wesley!" - weighed against nearly 40 minutes of suck. Not sorry that one's over. So... what's next?

Next up: Angel One. A society entirely dominated by women. Where no doubt Riker can get his Inner Kirk on. Jesus wept. When does this show get consistently good? I swear my teenage self promised me this was a good show - I remember it being a good show. How much more crap can Season 1 throw at me?

Star Trek TNG - The Big Goodbye

Originally aired: January 11th 1988

Ah, the first of many holodeck malfunction episodes. A Star Trek staple, though it's hard to remember what I would have thought of them back then when they were still fresh. It probably didn't take me too long to realise that quite often, these weren't sci fi episodes at all but bored writers desperate to write a different kind of story. The Big Goodbye doesn't quite fall into that trap. By being the episode that first focuses on the technology, and introduces it to the audience properly after it's brief display in the pilot, it at least has one science fiction concept going for it. Other than that, it's pure pulp, detective goodness!

The Enterprise is off to meet with the Jarada, an insect hive species obsessed with protocol, and a race which the shows limited budget will never allow to be shown on screen. Still, not a bad idea to open an episode with - it reminds us that there are non-humanoids in the galaxy, though they can't afford to show them to us. Picard is busy being trained in how to pronounce the special greeting the Jarada require. I can only imagine that the aliens consider it terrible manners to rely on a Universal Translator to say hello. Troi suggests that he take a break from the stress of preparing for the meeting by going to the holodeck. Seems to make sense, but I'd be shocked if he's still so eager after his third holodeck malfunction.

He loads and runs a program called Dixon Hill, set in San Francisco during 1941. Seems he fancies some wartime pulp detective fiction. Unlike later episodes he hasn't gotten into costume before engaging the program. The holograms accept him as Dixon Hill but remark on his clothes right away. Seems to me that the program should be configurable to accept the player as he is even if he doesn't get in costume. Picard didn't even think of it - it must be his first visit to this program, and I guess it explains why he always gets dressed up beforehand in future. You win this round, Continuity!

Typical of pulp fiction private dick stories, there's a dame waiting in his office, and the camera totally gives into the cliché and focuses right on her legs. She too remarks on his clothes, mentioning Halloween. Picard seems confused. Does he not know what Halloween is? Do they not have it in the 24th Century? That must suck. Anyway, back to the plot exposition - seems someone is trying to kill this woman. Dun dun dun!

After the credits, we open with a shot of the ship to remind us this is Star Trek as Picard brings latecomers up to speed with the plot. The dame suspects practically her entire family and/or lovers of wanting her dead before she suggests that it's Cyrus Redblock. Which means that it pretty much must be him. She stuffs a hundred bucks into Picard's uniform to secure his services before leaving. Throwing around that kinda money during the war? There's something fishy about this woman.

Left alone for a moment, Picard marvels at the simulation watching stock footage of cars on the street before leaving the holodeck - presumably to get changed into appropriate costume. As he leaves, a suspicious character enters his office and seems stunned not to find Dixon Hill there. Apparently Picard is leaving the program running while he gets changed. Oh - wait, no he's not. From the outside, he saves and quits the program.

Later, in the briefing room he's gushing at the command staff about how awesome the holodeck simulation was. Data helps by explaining 20th century terms and technology. Like "automobile", which is totally understandable for the crew to not know as they either have something radically different in the future or they just transport everywhere. But when Picard is trying to explain the view from the window, Data has to help with the term "city block" which none of the Earth born crew know because apparently they're all too fucking stupid to live. I guarantee you cities in the future of Star Trek still have city blocks. Idiots. Nonetheless, they are all in awe of his description, especially Beverly Crusher who helps wipe the holodeck dame's lipstick off Picard's face. Riker is especially amused at that.

Picard invites Crusher to the holodeck with him next time, as well as inviting a 20th Century historian they have aboard along. The episode then remembers to remind us what they crew are actually doing as they talk about the Jarada and the consequences of pissing them off, despite Troi's attempts to prevent them from stressing out Picard. Wow - she's actually doing her job. Picard gets bummed out and ends the meeting. Data and Geordi discuss Dixon Hill and Data goes to do some research on the character and manage to avoid doing it as part of a As You Know speech. Data reads all the computer's info on Dixon Hill in no time at all - presumably so he can goof around trying to be in-character on the holodeck. It's Chekov's Wikipedia!

Picard and the ship's "fiction expert" are at the holodeck. Picard called him a historian earlier - now he's a fiction expert. I guess he could be both. They're all in costume this time. Data turns up in a suit as well, having done his homework. The holodeck entrance dumps them on a street and they wander in gaping at things like idiots. I gotta say that the special effects for inserting the holodeck exit into the street scene are really well done for the time. You could do better today with a desktop computer, but it's really impressive how good it looked 23 years ago. Picard tries his best to fit in as Dixon Hill, and bums a newspaper from a street vendor to marvel at the accuracy of the paper's headlines. One of the headlines about baseball places this about June 25th, 1941 apparently. Data comments on the news, mentioning a baseball player and team in 2026 - which will be later picked up by Deep Space 9 as Sisko's favourite player. I never realised that DS9 was playing the continuity card with that one.

Picard explains away Data's odd look and behaviour as being from South America. The news paper vendor snarks about Data's "nice tan". Clearly, the computer isn't simulating any gullible holographic fool here. Picard sees that the dame from his office is reported dead in the paper. That's freaking awesome - he must have the game on hard mode or something. His first case and she's dead in the time it took him to go home and get changed. Still - free hundred bucks, right? Some cops stroll up and arrest "Dixon" for murder of the dame. Apparently because she had Dixon's business card in her purse. Nice circumstantial evidence you got there boys.

Back on the ship, the Enterprise takes a knock from a highly energetic probe, followed by a message from the Jarada demanding that Picard greet them as agreed. The Jarada refuse to send video signal because Picard is not there and because the budget can't afford it. Riker sends Geordi to go get the Captain. Crusher finally gets to the holodeck - guess even in the future it takes women longer to get ready when going out. And woo! We have the first malfunction as the door almost doesn't let her enter. She finds herself in the police precinct where they are holding "Dixon". Data greets her by talking to her like a terribly clichéd gangster. She finds it thrilling, and pissed off that she's not suspected of murder too. And in the back of the station, Picard can't help break character to comment about how awesome the program is. Meanwhile, Geordi is outside reporting to bridge that they're completely cut off from the holodeck. Hands up who didn't see that coming? It's a miracle any Federation shop gets anything done when crew members are always getting stuck in the holodeck.

Riker heads down the the holodeck, but is persuaded to take Wesley with him when Troi reminds him that Wes's mother is missing too. She's not missing Troi - you know exactly where she is! Picard is still pleading innocence during his interrogation, but starts to lose his patience with the program and tries to leave. The cops are clearly doing good cop, bad cop. Beverly is busy trying to imitate a holographic woman in the police station applying her makeup, and manages to accidentally get asked out by a hologram. Outside the holodeck, Wes immediately starts to mess with holodeck controls as he and Geordi get stuck in on the repairs. This episode is starting to get boring, but at least when Picard is released the plot might finally get moving. It seems he plans to get back to the ship - maybe when he discovers that he can't something exciting might happen. When he gets out into the station lobby, the others are just milling around. Worst gamers ever. You would have thought that while Picard was playing Dixon the others would have gotten engaged with the plot too. Maybe demanded to get him out, hired a lawyer or even pretended to be his lawyer. Even searching for evidence to clear his name. It's not like a tabletop RPG where the GM is tied up playing the interrogation scenes so the rest of the party have to spin their wheels. The holodeck should be able to GM for everyone simultaneously.

Still, Picard finds some time to flirt with Beverly before they head back to Dixon's office to leave the holodeck. Crusher seems pissed that Data and fiction guy are tagging along, but it doesn't matter because clichéd suspicious guy is waiting in the office when they get there. They try to brush him off, but he pulls a gun on them. Suspicious guy - AKA Leech - is pissed that "Dixon" hasn't found what he hired him to find. Picard tries to get rid of him, but fiction guy finally gets in character and tries to get Leech to back off. He gets shot for his troubles. Beverly claps at this, thoroughly enjoying the mortal injury her crew member just took. Way to go, Doctor. It seems that the safety is off, and the crew can actually get hurt in the holodeck. I have to wonder what would have happened if the safety was on. Obviously, fiction guy wouldn't have gotten hurt, but how would Leech have reacted at his apparent invulnerability? Or would Leech just not have fired the gun in the first place? I suspect I've already put twice as much thought into this than any of the Trek writers so I'll just let it go.

Crusher realises that the wound is life threatening and wants to get him to sickbay. Picard hits Leech and sends him packing, and then calls for the exit which fails to appear. None of the exits will appear, and the severity of the situation finally sinks in. Outside, the ship has arrived at the Jaradan world but repairs are still going slowly. Inside, the gang don't really know what to do and bumble around trying to help Beverly treat the gunshot when Cyrus Redblock himself shows up to act all threatening, looking for whatever it was that Leech was looking for earlier. Redblock allows Leech to smack "Dixon" in the face, quoting Netwon's 3rd Law of motion. Which makes sense as Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space. The good cop from earlier picks the worst time possible to drop by for a social call and gets a gun stuck in his face.

Data draws attention to himself and Redblock is fascinated with him. Like the newspaper vendor earlier, the South America line doesn't work with Redblock, especially as Redblock claims to be quite well travelled. Picard gives in and tells them that he and his friends are from a fantastic futuristic world. Given that all the holograms present are programmed to accept him as Dixon Hill, none of them believe this rubbish. Picard keeps at it. The cop and the Redblock's minions are kinda freaked out by the nonsense being thrown at them, but Redblock just runs with it offering to test this theory by killing one of Picard's gang. Redblock gets things back on topic by ordering Leech to shoot Beverly since Picard still says they don't have the item he's looking for. Picard sees no other choice but to play along and says he has the item. Just as I'm wondering what the hell Picard is going to do in five minutes when he has nothing to give Redblock, Redblock is marvelling at "Dixon's" recklessness - apparently waiting until the last moment before Beverly was to be shot, testing Redblock's resolve to go through with it. Picard has Redblock make Leech back down for now and then gets Redblock to agree to help to save the wounded man in return for the mysterious item. We're not going to find out what the fuck this item is, are we?

On the bridge, Riker tries to stall the Jarada again but they refuse to talk to anyone but the Captain. The repair crew think they have a solution to the problem but are worried that if they fuck up, the holodeck will shut down and de-materialise the crew as well as the program. While that sounds a bit odd, given that when we've seen the holodeck turn off it always just leaves the crew on the bare grid of the room I think it works. Some of the stuff on the holodeck must be replicated matter. If it system shuts down incorrectly it might de-materialise the crew along with the props. For once, the holodeck technobabble works for me. This is also the reason that if I lived on the Enterprise, I'd be always absolutely certain I was standing back from the replicator when I stick my dirty dishes in it after dinner and turn it on. I'd be terrified it would de-materialise my hands by accident. Riker gives Wes the go ahead to try his fix.

Back in the holodeck, Picard is trying to get Redblock to let them try to fix the computer to allow them to get the wounded guy to sickbay. Redblock hasn't got a clue what they're talking about. But it doesn't matter as Wes's tinkering with the system alters the program around them to a blizzard somewhere in Antarctic-like conditions. Despite their best efforts, there's a bit of a jump as the actors are all in slightly different positions on the snow covered sound-stage than they were in the office set. Good effort though - it's almost unnoticeable. The difference is a bit more noticeable a few seconds later when they pop back into the office, and the exit opens. Redblock finally believes them, and wonders if people can return from Picard's world. Picard says that if they are allowed to leave, they'll return with the item. I guess he's playing it safe - he doesn't know if the whole system is fixed. Just because the doors are open doesn't mean that the safety is working again.

Redblock doesn't fall for it, but despite Data's warning that Redblock cannot use the exit, Cyrus is determined to try. He orders his flunky to kill everyone after he and Leech leave, and the head for the Enterprise corridor looking for a whole new world. For some bizarre reason they make it out the door and around the corner marvelling at all they see before they start to fade out from the feet up. That doesn't make any sense, but whatever. Data beats up the remaining flunky and then gets the wounded crewman to sickbay with Beverly. Picard stays to say goodbye to the cop, who manages to get a Title Drop into the conversation. He inevitably brings up the question of what'll happen to the simulation when Picard leaves. The hologram is worried about his holographic wife and kids. Fine programming, if a simulated 1940s cop can deal with concepts like the true nature of his existence and the implications of that. Computer programming has come pretty far in the 24th Century from the days of internet chat bots alternating between parroting mangled versions of what you say to them back at you and stating that they don't understand you. Picard doesn't have an answer for him, but wishes him farewell before leaving and the program shuts down.

Picard gets to the bridge and greets the Jarada, apparently getting it right and receiving a round of applause from the bridge crew. When asked about his trip to 1940s San Francisco, Picard replies with a fairly clever line - "It was a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to die there." When Geordi asks Data what it was like, Data gets two sentences into a terrible opening to a pulp detective novel before Picard shuts him up, and orders the ship out of orbit. Apparently, the Federation really, really, REALLY cares about negotiations with the Jarada because they seem to have ordered their flagship vessel all the way to Jaradan space just to speak with the Jarada for literally 60 seconds before leaving. Jesus Christ. If I was Picard, I'd have told Starfleet to shove the mission up their ass, and just send a goddamn diplomatic vessel.

Overall, not a bad episode. It completely avoids being science fiction until right at the very end. Up until then it's a vague mix of detective story - without any actual detecting mind you - and generic "crew in danger" stuff. It still adds up to more than the sum of its parts though, even if the show leaves it to some future episode to deal with the concept of a hologram really coming to term with his unreal nature which it will do far better with the hologram of Sherlock Holmes' nemesis Moriarty some day.

Next: Datalore. The show gives Brent Spiner the first real chance to stretch his acting muscles as he plays Data's evil twin brother. Such a goofy stereotypical story should never have worked, but they did make something enjoyable out of it.