The Witcher

Geralt of Rivia

I wasn't really too interested in this game when in first came out, being yet another fantasy role playing game - albeit an Eastern European one based on some massively popular Polish fantasy novels this time. It looked just like pretty much all the other fantasy roleplaying video games around over the last few years. The kind of game I had played to death already. But a special edition arrived to bring down the price, patch the crap out of the game and vastly improve the English voice overs. So, I found myself playing through the adventures of Geralt of Rivia (shown on the right), a Witcher - in other words a human genetically modified through alchemy who dedicates his life to being a monster hunter for hire.

He didn't score any points with me at first, looking like an angsty anti-hero type. That, plus the game started with the clichéd amnesia trope to get the game started. But I guess it's a convenient way to get the game going without required players to be familiar with the original Polish novels. Or the TV series or movie for that matter.

But as the game got going, it drew me in quite a bit. I actually really appreciated that the morality of the game was all shades of gray. Not to say that your character or his mission isn't quite heroic. But you quite quickly - and repeatedly - find yourself involved in situations where you may have to take sides, and neither side is clearly in the right or wrong. Early on you find yourself between a lynch mob and a witch who is innocent of the crimes the mob claim she did, but not entirely innocent. It's a little one sided as the game gives you a fairly weak reason to cast the witch to the mob, but that example is almost like the game's way of easing you into the idea.

Later in the game you find yourself torn between two sides who have somewhat legitimate causes but also are using some rather less than pleasant means to achieve their goals. Staying neutral is possible, but not easy. It's not written spectacularly well, but it is intriguing and makes a refreshing change from these games usual approach of morality choices - which is "paragon of virtue" versus "puppy kicking asshole".

The other concept the game runs with throughout it's length is based off the amnesia thing. The player can talk to quite a lot of characters from Geralt's life to try to determine what Geralt was like before his narrow escape from death, and try to put together an idea on who he is, what he is and what he wants. It's not a bad idea but apart from one part of it, it's only touched on a little. That one part of it is exploring the character's attitude towards love, given he spends most of his life on the road killing monsters for a living. This is reasonably well done, but I couldn't help but feel the fact the game lets Geralt shag any woman who's willing throughout the game undermines that plot thread a little. Though perhaps it's simply a part of it, letting the player choose to pursue Ms. Right in Geralt's life or simply Ms. Right Now if they decide that's all Geralt wants. But in the end, it's implemented in a rather cheesy and childish way.

In the end though, the gameplay side of the game is a lot of fun, and the game looks quite pretty. The story may fall slightly short of being something amazing, but it's quite atmospheric all the same - drawing on a lot of authentic eastern European folklore to make it's world seem suitable fantastic and horrible. So it's a pretty solid game all around. It's also quite nice to see a major success from Eastern Europe. Lots of games come out of the US, UK or Japan, but there's no reason why the rest of the world can't have decent games to offer us. And it's obviously done well enough to get a sequel, which has a ludicrous Collector's Edition out this year. Can you imagine having that bust of Geralt (shown to the right) on your shelf?

I mean, where would I put it since my bust of Master Chief's helmet is taking up all the good bust space in my house? :)

Star Trek TNG - Datalore

Original airdate: January 18th, 1988

This episode has stuck in my memory for years. I can't say it's a great episode, but when I was younger I loved the whole Evil Twin thing, and Brent Spiner finally gets a chance to steal the show a bit in this episode playing two parts. Checking around, I see that it almost never happened - Lore was originally supposed to be a female android and love interest. I think they did better with the evil twin thing really, though you could definitely do a decent sci-fi story about a robot love affair. Anyway, on with the show.

For whatever reason, the Enterprise is in the vicinity of Data's "homeworld" where he was found. Picard decides to visit the planet to see if they can shed some light on Data's origin. Not too unreasonable a reason to divert the ship - Data is, after all, the first known artificially intelligent life form. I'd want to know where he came from too. Actually - intelligent may have been too strong a word, as we cut to Data practising trying to sneeze like a human, and sucking at it. That's such a good use of your time, Data. Amongst other banal topics, Wesley calls him out on how stupid practising sneezes is, before sending Data to the bridge.

And that's when we get our first surprise - no life signs on Data's homeworld. As they approach, the crew launch into a better than usual exposition conversation letting us know that Data holds the accumulated knowledge of 400 or so colonists from the science colony on the planet below, before heading off to beam down to the planet. Keep it up guys - before long you might be experts at this, just like Basil Exposition.

After the credits, the away team stands on a sparsely decorated sound stage and reports that the planet appears completely lifeless - not even bacteria in the soil.  Something did a thorough job on this rock. Data sets off to find the spot in which Starfleet found him, as the crew speculate that the planet must have been dying around the time Data was found, and Data clarifies that the memories he possesses were downloaded into him in a hurry. Sounds like something was up. I wonder if this lot, who routinely fail their Spot Obvious skill checks will work it out. Data shows the others the slab of rock he was found lying on, covered in a film of dust. His first memory is opening his eyes and seeing the USS Tripoli's away team. Geordi is the first to show off some deductive ability and works out that the cave was constructed in a hurry to hide something away there. That prompts Data to remember that the colonists planned to hide away from something in the cave, and stored their knowledge in Data in case they didn't survive whatever was coming. The plot thickens, but I'm still less than excited. Show, don't tell people! It's been minutes of nothing but exposition!

Finally, something happens as Geordi discovers a secret door. Inside is another soundstage, but this one seems to be an underground complex. It suddenly hit me that the away team seems intelligently chosen this time. The First Officer for command, two security officers, an engineer and a science officer who's got android strength. It is a lot different from Kirk's method of beaming down all his senior officers onto any planet that looked remotely interesting. Inside the complex is an impressive science lab, with lots of doodads and flashing lights. Data vaguely remembers having been in the lab before, and upon looking at what seems to be children's pictures of people fleeing in terror from a giant snowflake remembers that the entity in the picture is dangerous. No shit Sherlock! Did the kids pictures of people screaming in terror and fleeing give it away?

Data mentions that Dr. Noonien Soong had a workstation in the labs, and the others are suddenly all "Holy Shit! The Noonien Soong? Earth's foremost robotics scientist?" Somehow I feel the fact that Data remembered Soong would have come up before. Riker expositions that Soongs attempt to create Asimov's positronic brain failed, and they now know he fled to another colony to try again. It's not clear if they actually know that Data is that second attempt, but I assume so. It seems clear though, that the writers don't get the implications of a positronic brain. I know that is was chosen by Asimov to be an advanced sounding techy buzzword, but taken literally? I know I'd be a little freaked out if the "man" next to me had anti-matter particles whizzing around inside his head. Anyway, in order to look around quicker, Riker decides to split the party. Never a good idea.

Following this bad idea with another, Riker starts to press buttons without even asking the scientist or the engineer what they are. He discovers what appears to be the device used to mould Data's torso and head. Yar confirms that the complex is empty, while Geordi finds a storage area that seems to be unnecessarily full of dry ice. Crazy scientists on far away planets love them some dry ice. In this case, it's to facilitate a shocking reveal of Data's evil twin. Some assembly required it seems as the new android is in parts. Data insists that it's important to him to re-assemble the new android, and Riker concedes. I tend to agree with him - given the Enterprise's mission, it's hard to turn down both the chance to reunite a crew member with all he has for family, as well as the chance to learn more about androids and what happened on this planet. For once, the obviously wrong, plot propelling decision actually does make sense at the time.

On the ship, the crew are studying the parts and trying to work out how to assemble them. A little advice guys? Ask the fully functional model standing there watching you fuck around with his brother's body parts for help you asspods. Though as Data is summoned to the briefing room, Chief Engineer Not-Geordi explains that they have all the bits, and are trying to work out how to assemble and activate it. He adds that they don't understand how Data works either so this will take a while. In the briefing room, Picard tries to cut through the crew's akwardness at talking about Data and his brother as machines, by reminding everyone that they are all just electro-chemical machines, and not that different from Data. Ah, Jean Luc, you space atheist. Actually, I can't remember. Does any one human on this show ever show signs of religious belief? I know the Trek shows touch on alien religion quite a bit, but I can;t remember if they ever had the balls to touch real world religious matters at all. Anyway, Picard has it slight wrong - we're not the same as Data. He's better. If his bits fall off, you can just screw them back on. That sort of subject actually comes up as the crew discuss why Data was built in the human form as Data reminds them that in some ways he outperforms the human body. Suck it, meatbag fleshy ones!

Riker drags thing back onto the other plot thread by showing Picard the kids drawings of the entity that all the kids drew the colonists fleeing from. But we get no exposition as Data is called away to help with the assembly of his brother, and tells Dr Crusher about Checkov's Off Switch - I mean his On/Off button. Apparently he has given permission to be disassembled temporarily to be studied. Crusher promises to keep the secret about his off switch. Hah! By the end of the show's run I bet half the ship knows about it and uses it for practical jokes all the time. After studying Data's circuitry and reviving him, they finish assembly of the other droid, but he hasn't woken up. Seems like the crew know what they're doing. As Picard wonders which was assembled first, the droid opens his eyes and claims Data came first, and that he's the superior model. Smug bastard.

Picard is troubled by Lore's attitude - showing that he's not totally stupid - and wonders what it is about Lore that makes him better than Data, and how Data feels about his relationship with his new brother. Data reassures Picard he is completely loyal to the Captain, the ship and Starfleet. Outside, Geordi is teaching Lore how to fly the ship. Because that's a fucking genius idea. Teach the strange android that Picard doesn't appear to fully trust how to fly the fucking ship. Moron. Lore eagerly takes in everyting they teach him, but almost a little too late tries to play ignorant when Riker unwittingly tricks him into revealing a knowledge of basic geometry. I'm not sure what's more odd about that scene - apart from Data, no one on the crew seems put out by Lore being on the bridge, and Lore acts like he almost gave the game away by knowing about triangles. Weird. Data compliments Lore on his apparent eagerness to please humans, and Data makes some cryptic remarks about pleasing humans. Tasha is in the background watching. I wonder if the sight of two Datas is giving her ideas.

After leaving the bridge, Data cautions Lore that he revealed that he knew more than he claimed when Riker tricked him. He also warns him about Wesley. The general message seems to be to not underestimate humans. Lore thanks him for the info and sucks up to so hard, it's not funny. He plays the brother card a little too often, but it does help reinforce that Lore is totally playing Data for a sucker. Lore also can't resist getting a dig or two in at Data's inferiority. Data starts some research on Dr. Soong, but Lore spares him the trouble, telling him about "Often-Wrong" Soong, and how he created the two of them to prove he could really create positronic brains. Lore goes on to mock Data for living life as a human when he is so much better than those meatbags. He offers the possibility of obtaining the knowledge of millions of humans, and promises to tell Data more later. Data shows that he's been playing his cards close to his chest when he then calls Lore out on the matter of which one was built first. Lore admits that Lore came first, and gets all crazy mad that the colonists hated him and his perfection and how Data was a dumbed down model to keep them happy.

This leads to the stupid Data-cannot-use-contractions thing. While necessary as a plot element to tell Lore and Data apart, it seems stupid even as a method of making Data seem less human that Lore. On top of that, due to the writers not thinking of this idea until this episode, Data has already used contractions on the show. I wonder if he manages to go the remaining six and a half seasons with no contractions outside quotations, or other justifying circumstances. Anyway, Lore continues to taunt Data about his inferiority, showing off that Lore ha a sense of humour and Data does not. Data demands that Lore use the console to report what the colony was like. Once Lore agrees, Data moves to leave - apparently not getting that his no good lying brother might be once more lying about co-operating with him. After he's gone, Lore starts downloading all the data in the console with a sly evil grin on his face.

Lore's report finally explains the kids pictures of the evil snowflake - the Crystalline Entity that absorbs all life on planets. When Tasha happens to notice that Lore has left the androids quarters, it turns out that Data has been monitoring Lore's every move. Maybe he's not so naive after all. Ah - it turns out that the surveillance was Picard's idea. In Data's quarters, Lore is busy slipping drugs into a glass of champagne. He offers the drugged glass to Data as a "humanity lesson" - allegedly toasting the historic occasion of their reunion. Ah, Lore - android date-rapist of the future. There's a sentence I never thought I'd type in my life. Whatever compound Lore put in the glass seems to work on Data quite quickly, as Lore boasts about how his full range of emotions includes ambition, and how he has been working with the Crystalline Entity and how he sold out the 400ish colonists to the entity.

The bridge notices suspicious transmissions from "Data" - as Lore calls the Snowflake of Doom to come eat the crew of the Enterprise. Wes is sent to investigate and see if Data is okay. Lore tries to convince Wes that he is Data and "lore" had to be disabled as he turned hostile when he discovered the surveillance. A somewhat plausible cover story. The story seems to work, though on the bridge Dr. Crusher seems sceptical that "Data" would so easily mention that androids of his model had an off switch. "Data" claims a change of mind - that he decided to trust the bridge crew with the secret. But luckily for him, most of the bridge crew are distracted by the arrival of the Snowflake of Doom!

Which promptly slams to a halt off the bow of the ship... and just sits there. I thought this thing was a threat. Why isn't it eating the crew? Are the shields an issue? I assume so, but why hasn't a crew member oh-so-conveniently expositioned that? Picard logically asks "Data" to consider extracting more info from "Lore", but "Data" states that he'd have to examine his brother enough to know if he could be controlled enough for that. Wesley burst out with a recommendation that Picard not trust "Data" to roam the ship alone. Despite "Data"'s reassurance that Wes is just being cautious and he can come watch "Data"'s movements, Picard seems to disapprove.


Silly Picard! How can you confuse the two of them? There's Data on the left, and that's Lore on the right. Em... maybe they're the other way around. Whatever. My point is, for a starship captain that will later claim to be so in sync with his crew that he does need to speak out loud to issue orders, he seems unable to notice a serious change in his second officer's behaviour. Data will probably be lodging a complaint with the ship's Human Resources department later.


Maybe I'm not giving the senior offices enough credit, as Riker rebukes the kid and insists on accompanying Wes and "Data" to make sure that Wes shows the ship's officers the correct respect. It seems like a straight line of dialogue, but I can't help but read into that Riker knows what Wes was saying and finds himself a away to tag along while apparently trusting "Data". In their quarters, "Data" pretends to reactivate "Lore" while pretending that "Lore" might attack the human crew members and they must leave for their own safety. Riker blows the newfound credit I was giving him by accepting this and leaving with Wes. Moron. After they leave, Lore mocks Data for wanting to be like the dumb humans, and kicks Data's unconscious head. On the bridge, Riker confirms his stupidity by reporting that he did believe Lore's ruse. Wes pushes his theory that it was really Lore again and gets slapped down by Picard, when the Snowflake of Doom finally starts to attack the ship.

"Data" appears on the bridge offering to talk to the to Snowflake and requests that the attack cease. His Snowflake buddy plays along and back off. "Data" offers to show their strength by beaming a tree into space and taunting the Snowflake by disintegrating the tree. He kind of gives himself away by calling Riker by name rather than calling him sir, and fails to realise what Picard's "make it so" response means, before leaving. Wes leaps on this as a chance to push his theory and get's slapped down with the best line of dialogue in the whole of Season 1:

Shut up Wesley!

Picard seems to at least acknowledge some of the suspicions by sending a security team after "Data" to monitor him. Beverly attacks Picard for his treatment of Wesley, but when Wesley jumps in again, she shuts him up herself. But I guess, as his mother, she's somewhat entitled to do so. But he doesn't listen, and yells at Picard that if a full officer had voiced the same suspicions, Picard would have listened to them. Of course we would have you little shit! It's called experience! You have to get a few years under your belt before you can expect the captain of the Starfleet flagship to take your opinion that seriously, especially when he doesn't personally agree with it.

Worf - on his way to monitor "Data" - falls into a trap and gets caught in a turbolift with Lore who beats the shit out of him. Meanwhile wonderchild Wes and his mother detour to check if "Lore" is really Data. Wes says that he heard that his mother knows how to reactivate Data. I fucking knew it. The next day and the whole fucking ship knows Data has an off switch. Of course, it helps that Lore broadcast it to the bridge crew I guess. At this point, Beverly seems to just trust her son that this is really Data and reactivates him. She must trust his identity as if it were really Lore, he could murderate the two of them in the wink of an eye. They bring Data up to speed on the snowflake situation, and they set off to stop Lore.

Speaking of which Lore is in the cargo bay chatting up the Snowflake, when they arrive to stop him. Lore's plan seems to be to drop the shields for a moment when his plan to transport a tree into space goes ahead, and the Snowflake can move in and eat the crew at that point. Finally, we get the exposition that proves Lore actually seemed to have a plan rather than fucking around at random. Data acts all disappointed saying that Lore "makes him wish he were an only child". That's fucking wonderful Data. That's bound to make Lore thinking more fondly of you in future. I wonder what you'll really think in years to come when you discover your mentally disabled brother B-4?

Lore threatens to murderate Wes, and Beverly pulls a phaser on him. So he throws Data at her and disarms her. Not looking good for the home team folks. Lore asks them to back off. I wondered why he doesn't just phaser Data to death and kill the two meatbags himself, but I guess he doesn't think he can get all three of them before one of them raises the alarm. Though next, Lore offers to let Beverly go and hints he may not hurt Wes. But surely the first thing she will do is notify the bridge and then Lore's plan is fucked. Maybe he is just doing random shit and doesn't actually have a plan. He confirms this when on a whim, he shoots her in the shoulder for shits and giggle really. Which provokes Data to jump him while he's distracted.

While the two droids fight and throw giant empty plastic barrels that are supposed to look heavy at each other, Data urges Wes to get on the transporter controls, and then he throws Lore onto the transporter pad. Lore recovers remarkably fast and fires the phaser at Data but he's too late and he and the start of the phaser beam are transported away. Guess it's a good thing that no-one did alert the bridge and the shields must have been briefly dropped to allow the transporter to engage or Data would be a pile of smoking spare parts. Just as it's all over, Riker and an armed security team rush in as the Doctor hangs back. So she did alert the bridge. Which makes me wonder why they allowed the transport off the ship - all their instrumentation would have told them it was Data on the transport pad. Whatever - I've already given up on rationalising away this episode's plot holes. They're at least as big as the giant Crystalline Snowflake.

Wes tries to be all manly saying that "Lore's gone - permanently!" Completely and utterly wrong, Wes. Evil Twins almost always come back. At this point, probably sensing that the plan has gone to shit, the Snowflake backs off. When asked if he's okay, Data says "I'm fine". No one seems to catch that Data used a contraction in the final scene. Was that just a stupid fakeout to play with the audience's head? Man, if only they'd pulled a Sliders on us and for the next two seasons, they actually had Lore pretending to be Data for some long running plot. But no - it was Data, and they were just messing with the audience's heads. Asspods.

Wow, for an episode that took a clichéd but potentially good story idea, this one sure went out of it's way to run it into the ground. A small few good pieces - Brent Spiner playing off against himself as his own straight man, "Shut up Wesley!" - weighed against nearly 40 minutes of suck. Not sorry that one's over. So... what's next?

Next up: Angel One. A society entirely dominated by women. Where no doubt Riker can get his Inner Kirk on. Jesus wept. When does this show get consistently good? I swear my teenage self promised me this was a good show - I remember it being a good show. How much more crap can Season 1 throw at me?